Monday, March 07, 2005
what should i do when i graduate? to work or to study? this qn has been botherin mi 4 the past few daes and i am totally sick and tired of this irritating question!
To study because i can cont to study without having any interruption and i think i'll be happier but i duno whether i'll treasure this chance to study anot.
To work cos i can gain working experience and i think i'll be more useful to me when i go work. and maybe by then, i'll find out the importance of studying and may even do better.
haiz... i duno why i am STILL not feelin happi.. nt reali back to normal. been havin stomachache all dae long. duno wads wrong with my body. Depression? maybe.. felt so lonely nowadays.. when ever i'm at home, i'm alone. Parents workin, sis in school. Maybe i should find things 4 myself to do then i wont feel so left out by this world. Bf's in camp and got this feelin of being abandon every nite even though i kno it wasnt intentionally but cant help feeling like that.
Its realli realli tough waitin for him to book out and accompany me. That day we had a quarrel and was thinking this thru. I complained that he had no time for me and i felt so alone and he told me that he had spent all the time he had with mi already. He also ask mi to spare a tot 4 his mum-- his mum is alone almost every single day and even if he book out, he'll spent all the time with me and nt his mum. Although i'm abit guilty.. i mean juz abit for snatchin away his son but i stil think that what i did, is wad most gers would do too.. if they are in my shoes.
Jus imagine when u are happy, u cant reach ur bf. When u're sad and need some shoulder to lean on, ur bf's nt around. u are always alone. Alone in this world. Vulnerability is revolving ard me... :(
Although he is now waking up earlier to call me and tok to mi in the evenings and even sacrificing his dinner jus to chat with me and don make mi feel so lonely, i'm stil nt feeling any better. dear, i really appreciate you for what u have done for me but i'm jus too demanding. i'll try to change.. really...